A Guide to Making Hard Choices About School

We’re living through a time when many of us have hard choices we need to make about school: Daycare or nanny? Preschool or homeschool? Remote or hybrid? We make decisions best when we are in a calm state, but it’s hard to feel calm when we feel worried. Fortunately, there are ways we can help ourselves overcome our anxious feelings in order to make the best possible decisions for our families.

Creating a Calm State:

1. Be your own emotion coach: Stop and ask yourself, “What is it I am feeling right now?” Then allow yourself to experience that feeling as Marc Brackett, Ph.D. writes in his book, Permission to Feel. Dismissing our feelings does not make them go away, it causes them to build up until they explode. We want to name our feelings and talk about them.
2. Practice present moment gratitude: When your mind starts ruminating over your worries, stop and look around. Ask yourself, “What is good?” Present moment gratitude does not solve our problems, but it does reduce our stress.
3. Focus on what we can control: We want to create healthy routines involving sleep, eating, exercise, and connecting more deeply in our relationships.
4. Utilize relaxation tools: Spend time in nature, meditate, listen to music, etc. Find what works for you.
5. Be optimistic: Find humor wherever you can. Remind yourself that this is temporary and create a positive image of the future in your head. Use positive self talk, “I really didn’t want this to happen, but it did, so what do I need to do now?”

Making Decisions

1. Go inward: Examine your values by asking yourself: “What do I think is the right decision for our family? What makes sense for us?”
2. Assess risk: Are you willing to accept the potential consequences of this decision?
3. Talk to a trusted person: Seek out a calm person to help you through your thought process.
4. Adapt your expectations: Recognize that things are not going to look like they did prior to the pandemic.
5. Maintain Perspective: Remind yourself that your goal is not perfection, but rather coming out on the other side as best as possible.

It’s okay not to have it all figured out right now. Trust that you and your family will find your way and come out okay on the other side. Also know, difficult experiences can change us in positive ways. As a certified Child Behavior Specialist and Parent Coach, I am available to you as a trusted resource and a calm person who can help you through your thought process.